This morning Hubby sent me a text to tell me that he was awoken at 2 am this morning. He does that some nights, not real often but occasionally. He told me that he woke up with a lot of verses about faith running through his head. He said he saw a picture of Jesus on the cross with the thief hanging to His right proclaiming his faith in Jesus. He sensed there was no time for the man to do works and the next thing he heard was Jesus telling the man that he would be in Paradise with Him.
What a beautiful picture to wake up to! Granted, not necessarily at 2 am, but none the less. He asked me where I was this morning regarding the conversation that took place yesterday, that’s Hubby’s way of asking how I am feeling. He told me that he still couldn’t find peace in it. I get it, it is hard to find peace when you feel so helpless. I feel helpless. I hurt for anyone who doesn’t know what freedom in Christ feels like. How do I feel? I’m sad. Part of me rises up and wants to defend all that I call true, another part of me wants to know more, seek deeper understanding of why anyone chooses to believe that Christ is less than He says He is. I desperately long for all of us to have a life filled with hope, laughter, and joy, none of which I ever found on my own living unfamiliar with grace. I’ve spent many years listening to many of God’s children talk about the grace of God and who He I have identity with in Him. The voice of grace is what I choose to believe after reading the Bible for myself over and over. I’m so grateful that I chose Jesus at such a young age, I know He has been my resting place even when I couldn’t see it. I remember as a young adult, heavy in sin (at least I thought it was compared to what I’d seen growing up), and thinking to myself, “I wouldn’t have to be guilty about these choices if I hadn’t gotten saved as a kid, wish I would have waited”. There is some truth to that, because I have the Holy Spirit living in me, I have conviction about things I do that don’t line up with God’s will. I knew that other young people I hung around didn’t believe in God and didn’t feel as guilty about the unhealthy choices we made. Somehow I thought it would have been easier. It’s silly I know, but I was young and foolish. Just thinking back to that takes my thoughts to the parable about the farm owner who hired people all day at different times and then paid them all the same at the end of the day. Some of the people that began at the first of the day grumbled because he paid the last crew the exact same amount (Matt 20). I knew that God would save me even on my last day if I asked, but I believed in Him from the time I was a little girl and so I couldn’t deny Him.
As a middle aged woman, one that has gone through much pain because of my stupid choices, I can honestly say that I am so grateful now that I had the Holy Spirit guiding my choices and gratefully I listened to Him some of the time. Because I did, He has walked with me and saved me from myself more times than I care to remember. He also led me to my incredible Hubby and I wouldn’t know what to do without him. God IS my resting place and I know He is working in me and producing good. Paul says in Philippians 1:6 that “And I am certain that God, who began the good work within you, will continue his work until it is finally finished on the day when Christ Jesus returns.”. That verse makes my heart sing! The initial reason is because it assures me that He is going nowhere! He will always be watching out for me and telling me of His love for me. He began His work in me when I told Him I believed Him, that He was the Son of God and that He died for me. I know that I received his Holy Bloodline, His Holy Spirit, because of so many things the Bible says and because I know the Holy Spirit within me who talks with me every day. He will continue to work in me and bring out His original design of me, and He doesn’t need any help. He has changed my mind about so many things that I am positive it is His work in me that motivates me to obedience to Him. I want what He wants for me more than ever!
The second reason my heart sings when I read this verse is because I know that He isn’t finished yet. THANK GOD! I have grown so much, but I still have so far to go and I look forward to the journey. Getting frustrated about the conversation of yesterday is not at all what God wants from or for me, but He does want to use it to be used for His glory. He wants me to pray over it that His will be done. He loves us all, He created each of us for His unique work in us for this world. He is working in all of His kids and maybe my thoughts got his working yesterday, I know it did mine. He is teaching us to love one another because of His love and through His love for us. Today as I revisit yesterday, I am releasing it all to the will of God in each of our lives. I know that if He wants to change either his mind OR mine, He can do just that.
Today I am letting go of yesterday. If God sees fit to use my love for Him to share anything else on it, He has the reign to do so. For now, I go forward in life proclaiming the gospel of peace and unending love to all I meet. Thank you Father for your heart for your kids, all of us, but especially me.