“Though I am surrounded by troubles, You will protect me from the anger of my enemies. You reach out Your right hand, and the power of Your right hand saves me.” Psalms 138:7 NLT
Life is hard right now, for me, for my family, for our friends and loved ones. I really thought that 2020 was going to be a year of abundance for all of us, but the only abundance I am seeing right now is the abundance of troubles. Everywhere I look there are relationships broken, children in rebellion, division of all races and creeds, and the spirit of hatred is running rampant. It’s so hard! To everyone who is suffering in this season, I am so sorry. God knows you are suffering and He isn’t finished with you, or me, yet. His right hand reaches out to save you from your enemies, whatever form that is taking in your life right now. We aren’t fighting other human beings, we are fighting the lies of the enemy who is using those we love to hurt us (Ephesians 6:12 AMP). That is the hatred running rampant in this world and the pain that many of us are suffering. The truth I know is that it is not those I love hurting me, it is what they are believing about God, themselves, and me, and only God can change that.
When I am going through these dark seasons, there are days when I can’t even get out of bed. It’s awful and I never imagined that being me, but some days it is. When faced with these kinds of trials, the only hope I have found is the promises that God gives me and the life that Jesus came to make fully abundant. Over the past year I’ve watched two of my kids walk far away from God, I’ve walked away from my marriage, and in many ways I’ve walked away from my purpose. God has restored our marriage, well He is restoring. We are back in the same house and learning how to bring out the best in each other in really difficult seasons. It’s tough but it is so worth the effort and he and I are doing well. The other two areas haven’t been restored, though I know in my heart they will. As far as our kids, the Bible tells us to raise them up in the way they go and when they grow old they will not depart from it (Proverbs 22:6), and I believe what the Bible says. We pray for our kids every day and we love them, but sometimes they have to go and follow the world to see if it offers what that big hole in their heart needs. When they realize that it doesn’t, I believe they will call on Who does. Our counselor told us that he looked up “old” in the Hebrew for that verse, and it tells us old is 85. I pray that it doesn’t take that long, mostly because I don’t want them to miss out on what God has for them here.
As to walking away from my purpose. I haven’t been writing on here like I used to. I love to write and I was made to write, but when I am going through deeply emotional wounding from the present, or the past, it is tough. Many times a writer wants to vomit all of the feelings they have on the reader and that isn’t helpful. I want my words to be helpful to the hearts that God leads to my writings so when I am really suffering, I stay silent. This is another hard season and I fear that the seasons in our world will only become more difficult in the time to come. I have to gain strength from these trials if I want to be in my purpose and not let those feelings take me down. Going forward I will continue to write on here some, but mostly I am devoting myself to writing the first book that God has for me to offer. He gave me the gift of gab and for several years now has been growing me through many seasons of suffering. My history is layered and full, it’s time I use it to glorify God in me and Who He has been for me in those trials. I ask for your prayers as I dive into His purpose for me and that you will cover me so God will give me what I need.
I trust in His promises, I pray you can find that hope today too. A few short months ago I was feeling hopeless, gratefully I have learned that feelings are indication of something, and not always the truth of what is happening in that moment. So though I have suffered for a little while God is restoring me, confirming me, and strengthening me (1 Peter 5:10). He is doing the same for you, believe that it is true. Find your purpose and live it out with Jesus who has come to give you life abundant (John 10:10).
“For our struggle is not against flesh and blood (contending only with physical components), but against the rulers, against the powers, against the world forces of this (present) darkness, against the spiritual forces of wickedness in the heavenly (supernatural) places.” Ephesians 6:12 AMP
“Direct your children onto the right path, and when they are older, they will not leave it.” Proverbs 22:6 NLT
“And after you’ve suffered a little while, the God of all grace, who has called you to his eternal glory in Christ, will Himself restore, confirm, strengthen, and establish you.” 1 Peter 5:10 ESV
“The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy. I came that they may have life and have it abundantly.” John 10:10 ESV