Sex is Confusing

Because I am friends with so many of my readers on YouVersion Bible App and Facebook, I want to start out this crazy title with some verses from the devotion Hubby and I started today…

“Now regarding the questions you asked in your letter. Yes, it is good to abstain from sexual relations. But because there is so much sexual immorality each man should have his own wife, and each woman should have her own husband. The husband should fulfill his wife’s sexual needs, and the wife should fulfill her husband’s needs. The wife gives authority over her body to her husband, and the husband gives authority over his body to his wife. Do not deprive each other of sexual relations, unless you both agree to refrain from sexual intimacy for a limited time so you can give yourselves more completely to prayer. Afterward, you should come together again so that Satan won’t be able to tempt you because of your lack of self-control.” 1 Corinthians 7:1-6

In case there is any concern, I want to set this up clearly for you, I do not share intimate details of my bedroom relationship in any of my writings or teachings. I have now added teachings because Hubby and I have been asked to teach on Sexuality in Marriage at a conference in March. I’ve even had one or two friends call out patterns in my reading plans on YouVersion, so I wanted to let you know I will be doing a lot of devotions on sex over the next several months. Don’t be alarmed! The details remain private while our bedroom life is read in how Hubby and I hold hands and behave like high school sweethearts. 😉

With that being clearly defined, I want to go back to the verses I read today. The Bible tells us to give authority of our bodies over to our spouse! What in the world is God thinking?? Surely He doesn’t mean it, after all, we live in a broken world of sexual misuse and abuse running rampant. Sin in sexuality is being glorified by so much of today’s world and population! When did the Christians stop talking about sex? Because when I read Scripture, I see it all over the place…the good, the bad, and the ugly. When did we let society as a whole take over what is right and wrong in sexual relations and become so afraid to talk about it that our children are learning it from the world? Are we teaching our children what the word of God says, or are we avoiding all conversation about it but abstinence?

Growing up, sex wasn’t much discussed in my house either. I knew that I was to abstain from it until marriage, but due to poor choices with alcohol, at the age of 16 I lost the chance to offer Hubby what he deserved, a virgin. Gratefully, he fell in love with me and he knew my past came with me so we asked God, prior to marriage, to give us a new start and forgive the past mistakes. I don’t know exactly what or how we did it, I know we found a book on it and a prayer, and as far as we were concerned, we were new. Though I still had a lot of broken thinking, I knew God had forgiven me and would heal the wounded areas for both of us. During our journey, we have gone through some tough seasons of health battles and unfortunately, it was during our peak according to experts study of the human body. The times I could tell Hubby was getting to a place of frustration, I would hear my mothers words to me as a young woman, she said to me, “Chandra, don’t deny your husband sex, it’s not worth it because he could look elsewhere”. In today’s world filled with sex at your fingertips, I know the challenge presented when things aren’t good in the bedroom and I never wanted Hubby to look elsewhere. We have worked on the areas in our marriage where the enemy attacks the most, and that is definitely one of the top three!

These Scriptures sum up what my mom said to me, she went through the agony of divorce and all that comes with it. Though I couldn’t “imagine” Hubby going elsewhere, the temptation in our world is ALWAYS there and the enemy is sly. I am grateful I followed my mother’s advice even when I didn’t “feel” like it, I know that according to science, sex is very good for healing our bodies too. I know my discovery was, even though getting started may be hard sometimes, the benefits are too outrageous to ignore physically, emotionally, and Spiritually. I’ve learned that God doesn’t mince words, if it is in the Bible, He thinks it is wise for us to know. So, back to the verse, we give authority of our bodies to our spouse and we shouldn’t deny one another sexual relations, this is wise.

I know there are so many sad stories out there of how men treat women and then expect them to go to bed with them and no, I don’t think that is right at all. There are many studies that have been done regarding women being wood stoves and men being microwaves, and the work needs to be done to bring about the best outcomes. It is not sufficient in a healthy marriage to roll over, give your wife a couple of jabs and ask, “hey, you awake?”. Like everything in marriage, it takes two and it takes work! What I have found is that many couples, because the Church doesn’t talk about it much, is that couples don’t talk about it either. If one, or both, of you struggle with a past that haunts you, not talking about it is exactly what the enemy would use to destroy you. It is happening in more than 50% of the marriages in the world today.

On the other side of the husband not treating his wife with love, is the wife denying her husband sex. I’ve heard those stories, though not as often because women don’t want to share that part of things with me. I’ve noticed that in today’s world, sex before marriage is way more common than it used to be. People start “playing house” before they say “I do”, and due to society standards, there is nothing wrong with it. What happens, all too often, is that once they say “I do”, the wife begins to take hubby for granted. Life kicks in with responsibilities over extra family, kids, and careers and sex becomes a tool to get what she wants, if they have sex at all. She begins to deal with her past in the midst of chaos amounts of change, and the next thing you know intimacy in the bedroom has only been twice in the last year. How sad to me, the one thing we get to do with our spouse only, and it brings much pleasure to both, and we only celebrated it twice last year! Those stories are hard, but the worst I have heard is a couple that gave themselves to one another before marriage, and only one time since marriage (they have been married 26 years now!). What a sad loss of what God created us to do.

I think it is time to start talking about this in Christian communities. Sex is not a dirty word, nor is it something Christians should avoid. It is a real topic that is a cause of a lot of divorces today, and we are getting as many as non-Christians. The Bible has a lot to say about sex and so as I am learning more, I will share my discoveries with you as the Spirit leads me to. Also, in case there is interest in our marriage retreat, we are in the beginning planning stages, but the name of it is Learning to Love. We will be joining our marriage counselor and his wife, along with other professionals in therapeutic fields that love Jesus and want to make a difference in how we love one another well. I want to love my Hubby well, in all areas of life, and he deserves nothing less.