Adult Children Living At Home

This may be a touchy subject for some people, I know it can be for me. Hubby and I have the privilege of talking with a lot of people in this stage of life… The kids have moved out and moved back in and moved out and… you get the picture. Actually only one of ours has done it more than once and we are so grateful each time she has returned. This time is as a full adult, 25. She has been dream roommate! I know that sounds nuts, but she reads her Bible daily, asks off for Sundays so she can join us at church as a family, cleans her part of the house (which includes our bed and bath), does laundry, folds other people’s laundry, keeps her room clean, runs errands if asked, and has a great attitude about all of it. She has been a joy since she moved back in! We asked the girls to write a list of pros and cons before we decided if we really wanted them to come home, her number one reason for moving back was for accountability. Since she has been here, she has gotten a college-degreed, well paying position in her field, we couldn’t be prouder. She has always been a night owl and slept late, this job has required she be up at 4 am and be at work by 5:30 am and she has done a fabulous job at it! My heart is filled with pure joy when I think of how much she has grown into such a beautiful young woman, just over the last few months. I always told our kids that 25 was a magical age, our brains become fully developed and something shifts, we have more common sense. She has been living proof of that for me, yet again.

Before I go on, I want to emphatically say that I love all three of my children. They are each different, unique, and deeply woven into the strings of my heart for life. If you are a parent, you know what I mean by that. If you are a parent of more than one, you know that each of them are very different and though we love them all, some are more of a struggle to enjoy. The one I am struggling with right now lives with me and she hasn’t hit that “sweet spot” of 25, not to mention she is a twin and has developed in every way a little bit later. When I say enjoy, what I particularly mean by that is, there isn’t a lot of joy between the two of us on a regular basis. There used to be, prior to us asking her to move out at 21, we decided she needed some “real world” experience to appreciate what we brought to the table. I think she left and got a lot of other viewpoints about a lot of things and now has decided she likes those views better than good old mom and dad’s. I know we are not “right” about everything, but we do have a lot of experience and are the ones that raised this adventurous, high-Spirited, lovely young woman and she is a breath of fresh air when she is operating out of her true self. I have had a hard time raising her because we are so very different. She is lot more like her dad and I know she is very bright and has a good future in store, those are promises from God to me and to her. However, right now she is struggling at making the choices in life that don’t look as fun in the moment. She, as her dad and I have done some over the years, tends to choose immediate gratification in most areas of her life.

Last week, this sweet girl of mine, came to me and said that she had decided she wanted to join YWAM – Youth with a Mission – and she wanted to do the adventure backpack through Australia. (I am the kind of mom that will jump on my kid’s bandwagons for whatever adventure they bring my way and will do whatever I can to see it happen for them, most of the time) I want to offer a helpful bit of information here, she has never been camping. Period. She thinks it would be a grand idea to start in a foreign country with a bunch of people we don’t know and no sense of the land. This decision was made just after she told me she was quitting college, yet again, to get certification in Teaching English as a Second Language, and we began the track to get her involved there. She seems to want to get out of this country as fast as possible and I am not sure if that is the call of the Lord or the call of the wild, either way she needs to slow down. At this point, I can barely get her to do her chores and when she does, she does all of them with very little care for what she’s doing. Everything gets left half done and the rest of us have to go behind her and finish the work. She blew up the engine of her most recent vehicle by not keeping enough oil in the engine, and this is the third time, AND it happened only a month ago. She is now Uber-ing her little self to work each morning by 7 am. She did get a good job and is working hard, but that is taking most of her life and everything else she has kind of left behind. She dropped a few classes, I am not sure if she has told me the truth about all of them, but I will see her grades.  This is just a day to vent because this morning I offered for us to go and have brunch and she rolled out of bed at 11:15 and asked if I wanted to get ready and go to brunch with her still. We are moving so the plan was to, shortly after noon, start packing more and loading the POD we have in our driveway so it is ready to removed from our driveway by Monday. She knew the plan because earlier this week her dad told her we would be doing that today and she said she would help as much as she could but that she had homework. This was on Tuesday when she had four evenings to work on said homework because she doesn’t have a car to go anywhere else. To get time alone now, I have to let her take my car because Hubby doesn’t trust her with his large pickup, and when she buys her next car, she will be on car #6 or #7. I’ve lost count.

I know these are just young adults, but I have higher standards for the ones we raised and she is not “cutting the mustard”! My patience has grown like you cannot believe, just having her back since February. If our oldest hadn’t come in with a positive attitude and the ability to be peace bringer, I doubt the youngest would still be here. Because there are four of us, attention has to be spread and that helps diffuse some of the frustration Then there is our adorable, precious, joy bringing puppy, Millee Mae. She brings so much laughter and fun to the house that I am very grateful Hubby changed his mind after we put our Maggee Mae down December 29. He said at that time we would be waiting a good period of time for another dog and yet God told him it was time and we had her picked out and picked up within one week. God knew we needed her to help bring laughter and it has been good. I know our daughter is figuring out life, I really do. I love her without end and I will always be her biggest cheerleader! I’m just struggling with where we, as her family, fall into her line of priorities in the way she behaves and what she is willing to give.

Today was a vent day, I welcome any stories that might cheer my heart or change my perspective. Thank you for joining me on my journey of life and love and Jesus, the One who sustains me and in whom I find refuge. And, I believe His promises are not only true, they are true for me and my family so I will leave us all with this promise and thank God for it!

“Direct your children onto the right path, and when they are older, they will not leave it.”

Proverbs 22:6

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