Where is the Light Now?

We had such a beautiful weekend. I couldn’t wait to make a picture collage and make it the main picture to show you what beauty God offered us this weekend. It was so wonderful, Hubby and I hibernated in a little cabin in the Ouachita Mountains of SE Oklahoma and it was heaven. I’ll still write about it, but it might have to be tomorrow morning when I am in a sappier mood because right now I need to vent.

Crap. I was just seeing the light at the end of a long tunnel I’ve been in for a season now. I was finally going to get some well needed rest (without illness that preceded it), and the responsibilities on my shoulders was going to lessen. Hubby and I had conversations about that this weekend, how I would finally be able to go to school and not have the responsibility of our office and staff on my shoulders. I was already living in the dream of not working for a season if necessary, school has proven to be more work than I realized. Not to mention, I need down time. I have worked the majority of my adult life and when I say worked, I mean I gave more to a job than most anyone I know. Some might call me a workaholic, but I was the main provider of our income so it seemed necessary. I was finally seeing the place, nearly 50 now, where I would have freedom to do what I want to do with my days. I know that God has a reason and I believe it to be good, but I have to admit I’m frustrated and a bit apprehensive. I have to mind my health, with the history I have it would be foolish to do anything less. I know I am near the end of my ability to keep going and doing without a break, but now I don’t see any light at all.

We hired someone who was wanting to work with us for over two years. It was a friend situation, or a family member of a friend, and so Hubby and I prayed about it extensively. I never want to hire someone that I wouldn’t be okay living without in my life. Not that we don’t make friends with our staff, but they haven’t become a permanent fixture in our world. When you work with someone you see different sides of them and sometimes it can cost friendships, or maybe like our case, it just wasn’t the job she wanted and it doesn’t have to cost anything. Today she shared with us that she doesn’t see it as a good fit. I get it, you kind of have to really enjoy people to enjoy this job. We have to be “on”, 100% of the time when patients are present. Our office is a place of healing and we have to bring our A game so that we aren’t adding to any distress they are already in. That’s only part of it though, then there is the constant change because the job descriptions overlap in an office our size.

Honestly, I don’t know anything other than it just wasn’t a good fit and she preferred her old job to this one. I don’t think it was the people, but she didn’t make that clear and I was so frustrated. I needed answers that she didn’t seem to be able to offer. There was not even a clue throughout the weeks that said she wasn’t happy so it took us by surprise. Also, apparently everyone in the office knew all morning and I was told by Hubby on the our quick jaunt to the Post Office at lunch, just before the team meeting. Not to mention, it felt like I wasn’t supposed to ask questions or have any feelings about it because she felt bad already. The bigger stress is that we have a young lady leaving us after more than two years to replace as well. She is irreplaceable and we asked her to leave early because we thought we were covered. Oh my goodness, my heart is racing just thinking about replacing both of them at the same time. It could end up being me and Monica, by ourselves, holy crap!

She offered to stay and get us through our Grand Opening, but why? The financial cost wouldn’t pay for the help. I know that God has me and us, this is His practice not ours. We have been entrusted to steward our practice and care of our patients regardless of the weight we might feel. I know He is going to bring us someone even more perfect for both positions, that is just the way He is. I’m also going to pray for our friendships. I made my case before we hired her and Hubby made the choice, so now he has to lead us to a good place in these relationships. He typically offers the best advice to all involved and he is my rock. I know for the two of us, we are okay and we love our friends dearly. This was always a possibility and we’re grateful that they loved us enough to want their family to work with us, and we know it isn’t for everyone. (Sometimes even me.)

“Trust in the Lord with all your heart; do not depend on your own understanding.  Seek His will in all you do, and He will show you which path to take.” Proverbs 3:5-6



Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.