Today is the day. I’ve prayed about this day, run from this day, and finally conceded to this day. Now what Lord? I am sitting in my little rent cottage this morning completely ready to go, over an hour early. That is definitely not me, at least not the me I became through all of my struggle. Today, I have struggled and God has won. I am in Denver at Restoring the Soul Intensive Counseling. I don’t know if I would suggest it to anyone yet as I haven’t begun the work. But, I would definitely recommend everyone seek counseling for the good of your heart and your relationships.
First I want to share with you what happened yesterday. The enemy does not want me here. I haven’t traveled by myself much since before my near death experience ten years ago. I became a shell of the woman I once was and I now lean rather heavily on Hubby because he is the planner and investigator, and good at it. Yesterday I miraculously was ready to leave for the airport over an hour early so I got to go to breakfast with Hubby Coree before I went to the airport. That was a gift I didn’t even expect! However, once I got the airport things began to go downhill. I couldn’t get the check in machine to work and talking to a human at the counter is frowned upon, if you can even get their attention. Once I texted Hubby and he walked me through a different way to enter information I got it done. I went through TSA pre-check but I still went off in the metal detector. Next, I didn’t realize we had assigned seats as I am used to Southwest and so I sat in someone else’s seat. The young woman who’s seat I was in was rather disturbed by my ignorance and never once told me it was okay even though I’d apologized multiple times. I got moved but just as I was putting my seat belt on, I felt my styrofoam cup filled with Dr. Pepper, crack and liquid hit the insides of my jeans landing on the ground below me, splashing all over my carry-on. I finally got centered and started breathing again and my heavy water bottle fell on the lady behind me. There were a couple of other things that happened that I will leave out but it climaxed with me losing all control while tears rolled down my cheeks as I sobbed. I had no idea what I was doing or why I was doing this, I was panicked. The sweet lady next to me wasn’t sure what to do so finally she just patted me on the leg twice and then quickly pulled her hand back. We’d had conversation so she knew where I was going and what I was doing. Just before we got off of the plane, she told me that this was going to be an amazing week. (I think my talk of God may have planted a seed, but she definitely was a bit uncomfortable.)
As I got off of the plane and made a beeline for the nearest restroom, I wanted to run. I couldn’t figure out why I would possibly want to do this, what was I thinking?? My mind raced to my bank account and I knew there was just enough in there for me to grab my suitcase and head for the mountains for a week, that sounded great in that moment. As I talked by text with Hubby, he encouraged me and reminded me why I am here and how much Jesus loves me. He reminded me who I am in Christ and how much He has left for me to do in this life. Hubby reminded me that he loves me beyond measure and will always be by my side. I finally got the tears under control and cleaned up my face the best I could. I felt so vulnerable walking through this airport with my red eyes and nose, what would people think? I was scared but I was determined to let God heal whatever He wants to and this is another step in that commitment so I had to stay and let Him. God loves me. I know God loves me. I know that I am His daughter so I have a rightful place in a family who loves me. I know that God is going to do amazing things through this week and I thank Him in advance for all He has done and will do.
This life is hard y’all. That being said, if it isn’t hard, it isn’t worth doing. Thank you to all of the women I reached out to for prayer. You have no idea what your prayers have done for me up to this day and on this day. Thank you for your commitment to the Kingdom of God and to the family of God. God is good, all the time.
“But when I am afraid, I will put my trust in You.” Psalms 56:3
“The Lord Himself watches over you! The Lord stands beside you as your protective shield.” Psalms 121:5