Sometimes I have the hardest time keeping my focus on the important. This week has been one of my worst! I know that I am somewhat thinking about next week and what a week of intensive counseling is going to be like but I’m not fully stuck there. I’m also somewhat in the past as I’ve seen someone in the past few weeks, twice, that I know it is better for me to avoid at this point in my life. I’m hoping that next week will help me deal with more of the wounds that person has caused and forgive them even though they won’t ever apologize or ask for forgiveness. I guess I shouldn’t say “never” because I have watched God do amazing miracles in me so He could do a miracle in them too.
That’s a tough place to be with people. You love someone, God put them in your life for a reason, but every time you’re around them it hurts. What was God thinking??? I’ve asked Him that a lot in my life. Why would He put us into families and friendships that bring so much pain and tell us that we have to keep that relationship? During the past several years He has been answering that for me. I’ve decided He wants to grow us and the best way to do that is to give us something or someone to endure that brings pain, thus growth.
No, God is not trying just to hurt us. What I believe He wants to do is make us into a person who can offer love even to the most unlovable, even when they haven’t earned it and certainly don’t deserve it. Isn’t that what Jesus did? He offers love to me, and there are many times that I have been unlovable to Him and to others. The wounds that are coming up with this particular person are really deep, and very old. I got tired of asking God to change that person and instead asked Him to change me. He has been doing that for me but it isn’t easy or fun.
Next week is another step in that growth and I’m excited but unsure of what to expect or what the other side will look like. I’ve been so distracted this week that Hubby hasn’t had the best part of me, but I know he understands and wants this for me as much as I want it for me. I haven’t been away this many nights since before I almost past away ten years ago and I don’t know that I have ever unplugged as they are asking me to do. For my personality, going away by myself and spending all of the time with myself is scary! It took me 43 years to stop and journal and spend time with God, I never imagined an entire week of doing the same, but here it is. I don’t know if I am fully prepared in my heart for what I am going to face next week, but I know Daddy God loves me and He will meet me there and the healing will be nothing less than one of His miracles.
Please continue to pray for me. There is nothing I appreciate more than the earnest prayer of a friend. Thank you to all of you who pray for me regularly, you are helping God put the pieces of my heart back together into a beautiful mosaic. I pray that God blesses you as you offer up prayers for me.
““Love your enemies! Do good to them. Lend to them without expecting to be repaid. Then your reward from heaven will be very great, and you will truly be acting as children of the Most High, for he is kind to those who are unthankful and wicked.”
Luke 6:35 NLT