What Is Love?

Our oldest daughter got engaged this past weekend! She asked her girlfriend Kate to marry her and Kate said YES! Afterward, we surprised Kate with a party of friends and family. Hubby’s parents and brother, along with his family, celebrated with us. I know this is a touchy subject, I would imagine it is in most homes where a kid comes out. We didn’t dream of seeing Coree ask a girl to marry her as we were raising her. Like most parents, I would imagine, we dreamed of our girls growing up to marry the men of their dreams and our son growing up and marrying the woman of his dreams. We have struggled with this and gratefully, Coree has let us share our struggle with her along the way.

Hubby and I didn’t know Coree was for sure gay until Easter of this year. As many kids who have not come out, she hid a huge part of her life from us. Coree loves us and her brother and sister more than most anything. She never wanted to hurt us and she knows how much we love God and want to honor Him with everything we do, so does she. Coree loves Jesus and Jesus loves Coree. Exactly as she is, warts and all. So do we. She was afraid that we would stop loving her or disown her if she came out. I get that. Sadly, my dad will disown anyone and “unfriend” you on Facebook if you put any curse words on there. Sad, I know. When I think of those things I’m consistently reminded of the verse that reads, “You parents–if your children ask for a loaf of bread, do you give them a stone?” (Matt 7:9 NLT) I would say in my case, that is exactly what my dad gives me any time I asked so, I don’t ask. I refuse to do that to my kids, I know what love means. Coree grew up watching that though, seeing how anyone in our family will cut you off if you don’t behave the way they want you to, or if you don’t agree with them. Of course she was scared. (I want to clarify that my mother was not like that at all and she taught me to love everyone. Sadly she went home to be with Jesus 12 years ago and I’ve been figuring it out with Jesus since then. She was a great example of love.)

Because of the wounds I have from my dad, our kids heard things they should not have been privy to as children. I’d repeat the hate filled things he’d done to me and things he said to me and others that were appalling. They saw a lot of him in me, so did my mom, but she always knew I had a huge heart to love. One of my greatest fears in life was that I would turn out like my dad, so I clinge to Jesus. I never wanted to treat my family as he has. So, I guarded my heart as best I knew how and kept my head down until it was time to let it out. Now, ask me anything about things he has done and I am willing to share, so that you can see Jesus’s resurrection power. Homosexuality had always scared me but I had a feeling it was going to be in our DNA somewhere. All genealogical family lines have a lot of sin in them and I assume things are passed down through that, including homosexuality. I can see sin like alcohol and drug addiction, pride, narcissism, apathy, sexual sin of many forms, you name it, it’s somewhere in my or Hubby’s line, so why not homosexuality? Can people be born gay because of their DNA? I definitely think it is a possibility.

I will tell you this much, I have never seen our daughter more happy in her entire life. She believes she was born this way and hasn’t ever really wavered from what I am finding out. Do I show her love by giving her a stone? NO. As life plays out, some dreams have to end so that new ones can begin. This is Coree’s dream and I am grateful she found a woman like Kate who truly loves her and makes her want to be a better person. Kate encourages Coree’s relationship with God and with her family. I’ve been blessed with the opportunity to be around her family as well and they are a blessing too! Because I can see the hand of God at work in their relationship, I will support our daughter, learn from her, grow with her, and eventually I am sure that God will give me the courage to get outside of the box I have put Him in. He will also help me mature to a place that I encourage others to be who they are and let God do what He does. Love is acceptance in other people’s choices in life, especially when the fruit of those choices smells so sweet. Coree and Kate, we love you and we’re excited to watch your journey together. Be good to one another and offer genuine love to one another. ♥️

“If someone says, ‘I love God,’ but hates a fellow believer, that person is a liar; for if we don’t love people we can see, how can we love God whom we cannot see?’ And He has given us this command: Those who love God must also love their fellow believers” 1 John 4:20-21