This morning as I slipped over to Facebook, my morning check on what’s going on in my friend’s lives and I saw a post from last year on this day. It’s the picture I am setting as the post image so you will know what I am talking about when I tell you what it brought from Jesus today. Sadly, I have been fighting an infection for several weeks. About five weekends ago I ran 102 temperature the entire time. My doctor called in a three day round of antibiotics and it got me somewhat better but I felt it as I started going back downhill. After an accident I couldn’t ignore, I went to an after hours clinic two nights before our Grand Opening. They told me that my dipstick did not show infection and sent me on my way. The following Sunday, during church, I received a call from them letting me know I did have an infection and they were calling in medicine. The antibiotic they called in is one that my urologist used for preventative on a daily basis several years ago. I knew it probably wouldn’t take care of the problem completely, but hoped and took all seven days. I felt some better but sadly, it wasn’t gone completely. This past weekend I have been weak, running fevers, and not feeling well at all. Yesterday Hubby told me he wanted me to stay home and so I went to the doctor and spent the remainder of the day in bed as I had most of the weekend.
My doctor is a specialist in Urogynecology, or female issues that includes the bladder. I found her a couple of years ago and was impressed with her knowledge and sincere heart for women. Throughout life my doctors have been mostly male but over the last few years I’ve made the switch to female. Unfortunately, yesterday I got my doctor’s PA. She is a sweet young girl and I can tell with time she will be incredible in this field, but sometimes wisdom only comes with time. I notice with young people, they tend to talk at you and rarely ask questions when they believe they are right about things. She offered lots of encouragement but couldn’t really relate to my age, my circumstances, or my long history with bladder issues. I shared the parts of my story that I felt were applicable, but I don’t know that I heard one question asked to clarify or understand. I left there with a prescription called in, a clean sample test shipped off for culture, and advice that she could have saved had she asked me questions. Fortunately, the one question she did ask is if a different antibiotic had ever worked and it was the one of two that Hubby told me to get. We know my body by now, but PA’s, MD’s, DO’s, and NP’s all have opinions and educations and sometimes they forget the best student is the one who can listen to their own body.
Throughout life, and marriage, I have struggled physically. The closer I get to Jesus, the more I realize that I carry emotional pain in my body and I am ready for it to end. This past weekend Hubby and I had a conversation about my health. When you are married and ill, it takes a toll on the entire family but mostly the spouse. The conversation came from a fight that was still in a “time out”. Hubby went to his counselor for some help to figure out how to share where he was the day of the fight, and I went to Jesus and journaling. We came back together and had a beautiful, albeit tough, joining of the hearts and minds. He has been through every ache, pain, surgery, recovery, depression, pill bondage, etc. with me and it has been tough. We are both ready for healing in my body and we both know it will happen, just not yet. We have faith in our God to heal me and all that the enemy has stolen from us, but we don’t know God’s timing. It’s hard to for me to continue to walk in that truth when my body doesn’t feel good. If it weren’t for Hubby, I don’t know that I would still believe. I think I would have given up years ago, frankly. The verse that I hold onto is Mark 5:34 which tells me..
“And He said to her, ‘Daughter, your faith has made you well. Go in peace. Your suffering is over.'”
When God gave me Hubby, he gave me a prince among men. Suffering with your wife is not fun at all. My ex-boyfriend married one of my friends who lived a life on dialisys. After a year of marriage he divorced her. What I heard through the grapevine is that he told her he didn’t sign up for that kind of life. The truth is, he did. (If it is true, boy did I dodge a bullet!) If you believe what the Bible teaches us about marriage, we sign up for whatever comes our way. That is covenant. Hubby has been the most loyal man and our covenant has never been up for compromise in his eyes. I don’t know that I felt the same about it when we married, after all my dad was on wife #2 at that point and mom was about to marry Hubby #2. I knew that I didn’t want a #2, I wanted my #1 to love me forever, even when it sucked. Gratefully, we have weathered it all, but I know we both are ready for a season of fun and life.
The picture on my post is real. It happens to be a day when our love was flowing in all directions. What you see on Facebook for us is real. I am madly in love with Matthew Ford and he is madly in love with me. He loves me as he loves himself. The sin we each have in our lives gets in the way sometimes, that’s where we don’t love ourselves. You can’t give someone else something you don’t have for yourself. Hubby works on his stuff, he looks at it and processes it with Jesus, counselors, and me. I do the same. That allows us to love one another better each day that we live and creates an intimacy only few find with another person. He has been my rock in this world and I am so grateful to God and to him that we are a team. Hubby, I’m holding on to truth and healing, thank you for holding on to me. I love you, dearly.