His Words, Hidden in my Heart

The last several years I have had conversations with extended family members about God. Rather, I should say that I have listened to their beliefs about who God is and who we are because of God. Since beginning my own study in the Word of God, I have beautifully been led to believe very differently than my relatives, at least the ones outside of my home.

I recall telling my dad a several years back that I didn’t think one of my brothers should have become an attorney. I remember him flashing a horrid look my direction and then he began to correct me based on his beliefs about who God is. What he shared with me that day is a big reason I began my own study. The correction he gave me was that once we are saved we have no free will so my brother didn’t have an option but to become an attorney. Since that conversation, I started listening more intently to what they believe, so did Hubby. From our understanding, he and other members of my family believe that God makes us sin to grow another person in our life. WHAT?!?!

This particular scripture comes to mind when I think about those conversations. “They want to be known as teachers of the law of Moses, but they don’t know what they are talking about, even though they speak so confidently.” (1 Tim 1:7) Hubby and I have searched the scriptures daily now for over six years and there is very little that we would all agree on if we were in a circle, all of us receiving respect and time to share our truths. Please don’t misunderstand me, I still have so much to learn about God, but with my firm foundation now I feel like I know the heart of God. God is good and only good comes from Him. God is a gentleman and will not enter into any part of your life if you do not invite Him in. I know that is true because though I was saved for many years, I didn’t surrender certain areas of my life to Him. In those areas, I continued to sin. In many, I still do today, but I know that I am choosing something that is wrong because my Spirit man corrects me through the Word and convicts me in my heart. I can let that conviction turn into condemnation but God reminds me that there is no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. (Rom 8:1) Our human flesh sins. Period. We are the ones that choose that sin over the freedom that we have in Christ to do the right thing. Only by His strength can we actually do that. But no, God does not make us sin.

Is believing God makes us sin a justification for sinning? Is that how attorneys can twist things and make them seem right? When filled with our own knowledge, can we discern the truth! I always knew, as I was forced to be silent and listen to their so-called “knowledge”, that something was very wrong with it. I haven’t studied what Calvinists believe, but according to them that is how they believe. I know Calvinists believe that we are chosen before we ever get to earth in our mother’s wombs and I have to believe that is true because of scripture (Matt 22:14, 24:22). However, I don’t know what that fully means and am not sure I will before I meet Jesus. I know that I am a Daughter of the King of Kings, my spirit, soul, body, heart, mind, and will know that is true. Why? Because I chose Him, I cling to Him. I believe we all have the ability to choose Him. Once we have done that in our hearts, He does the rest as long as we feed on His truth. He gives us eyes to see and ears to hear and a knowing in our knower that we are His.

I hate to say that I am 50 and just now able to break free of lies even when they come from the family God bore me into. I am choosing to follow my gut (Spirit man) and Hubby into truth. I am grateful to have a husband that listens to God and reads the Word of God both alone and with me, daily. Breaking free from other people is sometimes necessary so that we can follow God more fully. I am breaking free and God is leading me into His call and purpose for my life. It has taken a long time yes, but the endurance has built character, and character has strengthened my confident hope of salvation (Rom 5:4). I know who I am in Christ and whose I am. He has never left me or forsaken me (Heb 13:5) and I am His.

“Anyone who teaches something different is arrogant and lacks understanding. Such a person has an unhealthy desire to quibble over the meaning of words. This stirs up arguments ending in jealousy, division, slander, and evil suspicions. Theses people always cause trouble. Their minds are corrupt, and they have turned their backs on the truth. To then, a show of godliness is just a way to become wealthy.” 1 Timothy 6:4-5


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